i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
