If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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