During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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