I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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