You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
