Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
