he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
