i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
