I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
