Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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