Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
