I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
