i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
