my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
