i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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