I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
