The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
