remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My ATM looks so different sober.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
