Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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