his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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