Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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