I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
