And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
