thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She said her name was "party"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's shark week go big or go home
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
