i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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