And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
