TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
