That's intense
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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