That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it's like iHOP with fire
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
