Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize