you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
why is half of my head shaved?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
