It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize