Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
