oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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