Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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