I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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