Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
