when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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