His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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