Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize