seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
