careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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