just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
