forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
