you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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