Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
