I got chris browned last night
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
