I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
