i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
