question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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