don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
