my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize