I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
