I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
