This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
