UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
