in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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