Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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