you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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