If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
