If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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