The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
