I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The air was thick with penises
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
