Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
