Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
