The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
