i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
