dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
