Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
