I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
