I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
