consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
