apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
