I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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