I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
