He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize