do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont even know how to be here
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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