i think i have two assholes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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