I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
