omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
