why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
