Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize