i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
